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Corentin196

Trying to survive through art
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Hey everyone ! I know it has been one hell of a long time since anything happened here so I made this journal for the eventual few that might want to know why.

I think I may be having a relapse of some sort. Depression is something that doesn't seem to ever leave, at least not me. Maybe it's linked to the coming of my birthday, or the fact I can't practice one of my hobbies, or my lack of relationship... Whatever the reason may be it came back surprisingly (or not) fast. At least I still have moment of happiness which is something that was long gone and that I got back only a year ago. It's just that it doesn't balance the sadness anymore.
Then you may think about this particular place, DeviantART. My place to "Survive through art" as I called it is hardly filled for I no longer have time to put on poetry. My second year of University and the violence of my relapse took their tolls on my ability to form a somewhat acceptable poem.

However I'll try to force myself, I will find time to write, I have to. And I'll stay right here, I will keep on going, for Life, however hard it may get, must one way or another be worth it.
“Every man has his secret sorrows which the world knows not; and often times we call a man cold when he is only sad.” 
Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
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Away I go

1 min read
Just a short journal to the very few that may still actively watch me. I'm temporarily leaving dA as I'm being deployed back on base this incoming month. Unfortunately there wifi is limited to permanent base personnel except in the mess where you have to pay if you wish to use it. Thus I won't be able to come everyday as I usually do and read everything I have in my watchlist or my notes. I'll still try to use my phoen to check back from time to time but I probably won't be able to do much.

On a slightly better note, now that my exams are over I was able to concentrate on getting out of writer's block. I did write a few things, most felt like s**t to me during proof-reading but I may be able to save some.
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Welp, here it is. The end of my first year of University has arrived. I went through the finals, we were more than 900 in a stadium, a sight to behold. But that's over now. I have to go through the hardest part now, the wait. Will I pass ? Will I fail ? I have to wait a full month to know...

Anyway, now that I'm free I wanted to get back to writing. To be honest while I haven't posted anything here I still tried and worked on poems. I do have a few verses, generals ideas and executions, damn I even have some little scribbles that don't look that bad (if only it was next to some of my lessons ^^'). But nothing complete... well there is one, but it's way too personal. I want my poems to be relatable, to explain a part of my life and struggles yet relatable by someone else. And it isn't. I might modify it or completely rewrite if I manage to fight writer's block.

That's the thing, I started to write poetry (in English that is) as a way to vent my depressive thoughts and struggles in Life. But now that I'm slowly climbing back into existence I don't have material to write anything, nor the urge might I add. I guess that's a good thing but I still want to write... at least I'd like to keep doing it. Maybe that my months back in uniform in summer will bring inspiration to my empty pages.

Still, to this beautiful community and to those I feel attached to here. While I may not be able to upload anything I still come by everyday, read and comment when I have something to say. But more importantly, I'm here if you need a hand, in this desert in which we're only sand.
Stay strong.

"The last thing we discover in composing a work is what to put down first"
Blaise Pascal
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#jesuischarlie

1 min read
I doubt that most people noticed but in my "webcam" widget here on dA I've put a "threat level" that I made and that I do update from time to time depending on the OSINT that I do gather. And because of the webtool I used I had to make a fifth level a "max" level. So I made one, a "National Emergency in progress" one that I sincerely doubted I'd ever have to use.

And today I did...
For those who don't know yet several gunmen launched a terrorist attack on a press office (of the satirical journal Charlie Hebdo) in France, killing 12 and wounding 8 more.
Terrorism in France, scenes that you could imagine in Iraq maybe but not in Paris.

In face to such a threat on France, the French population and such important freedoms as the freedom of speech I'm standing today stating that I'm proud to be French and I am too Charlie (#jesuischarlie).
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An adult...

2 min read
Yesterday was my birthday. My 18th birthday...
In regards to French law I'm an adult now. I can vote, drive, drink (not at the same time of course ;))...

It is a bit weird, when you are a child you do know exactly what you want for your birthday, you know which friend you want to invite, what gifts you'd like. And mostly you cannot wait to grow older.

As depression and the maturity that comes with the thoughts of ending it struck I wanted even more to grow older, to get away from the immature children that wouldn't understand me. And then I started to think that it simply was me the problem...

Now, as I'm slowly going back uphill, hopefully and carefully being lifted out of the tomb I dug for myself, I don't know how to celebrate my birthday anymore.
My friends are gone... my envy to grow older has disappeared... I don't want nor need anything that can be gifted... I don't drink much and now hate parties...

I was feeling down during the whole month then the day before my birthday I was terrified for someone I really care about. Knowing that she is fine makes me happy but that has been the only source of real happiness in that whole month.
I'm failing every test whether that'd be at university or my Private Pilot License... But about that I don't feel much anymore, I guess I got that going for me Sweating a little... 

Anyway, sorry for that long monologue but I guess that's what journals are for Sweating a little....
I'm now on my way to edit my two year old (already :o (Eek) ) account description here on dA. I'll leave you with a quote on adulthood.
"The wisest are the most annoyed at the loss of time."
Dante Alighieri
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Featured

Why can't I work properly ? by Corentin196, journal

Away I go by Corentin196, journal

Finals over. Holidays are a go ! by Corentin196, journal

#jesuischarlie by Corentin196, journal

An adult... by Corentin196, journal