Yesterday was my birthday. My 18th birthday...
In regards to French law I'm an adult now. I can vote, drive, drink (not at the same time of course
)...
It is a bit weird, when you are a child you do know exactly what you want for your birthday, you know which friend you want to invite, what gifts you'd like. And mostly you cannot wait to grow older.
As depression and the maturity that comes with the thoughts of ending it struck I wanted even more to grow older, to get away from the immature children that wouldn't understand me. And then I started to think that it simply was me the problem...
Now, as I'm slowly going back uphill, hopefully and carefully being lifted out of the tomb I dug for myself, I don't know how to celebrate my birthday anymore.
My friends are gone... my envy to grow older has disappeared... I don't want nor need anything that can be gifted... I don't drink much and now hate parties...
I was feeling down during the whole month then the day before my birthday I was terrified for someone I really care about. Knowing that she is fine makes me happy but that has been the only source of real happiness in that whole month.
I'm failing every test whether that'd be at university or my Private Pilot License... But about that I don't feel much anymore, I guess I got that going for me
Anyway, sorry for that long monologue but I guess that's what journals are for
.
I'm now on my way to edit my two year old (already
) account description here on dA. I'll leave you with a quote on adulthood.
"The wisest are the most annoyed at the loss of time."
Dante Alighieri